hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
