WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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