I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
