Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
