I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
