In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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