is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
