I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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