i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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