OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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