remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
