It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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