Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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