I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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