dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
