I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
