My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize