So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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