Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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