and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize