Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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