you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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