too bad you live with your parents still
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
