At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
