im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
