Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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