I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
