All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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