guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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