he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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