Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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