I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
