One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
