you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
