I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
