My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
