Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
