dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize