check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
