Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
