I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
