I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
