I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
