the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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