I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
