Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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