the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
