i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize