I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
