She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
