Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
