So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
