Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(607): View more from New York

Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

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(404): View more from Georgia

dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere

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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?

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(740): View more from Ohio

Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.

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(810): View more from Michigan

i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke

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