hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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