I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
