she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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