Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
