just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize