I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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