New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
