I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
