I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
