the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
