he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
