Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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