I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
