No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
