and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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