I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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