I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
