Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
