Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
