Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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