i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
