Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
