a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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