she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
