I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
