I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
