Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think my tv is drunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
