apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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